Panzer's Space

Wow it has been forever since i have updated this. I miss bloging and normally use my opendiary account but i need to update this here and there.

 

Catching you up...

Chopper leal (our first mini schnauzer passed away, got hit by a car) after try to rescue many dogs and for one reason or another they did not work out. Now we have Kita and she is a DOLL!!! I love her heaps and sooo happy shes in my life!

 

Panzer passed away from breast cancer. I feel this pain daily. I miss her sooo much and know she is in heaven with chopper and Nikos having a blast. Sometimes i stand in the middle of the driveway and i can feel her presence. I know shes still watching out for her mom. :) I hope to soon have enough money to update my tat to honor her love but i dont know WHAT i am going to do and how im going to do it. I know it will come to me. there are alot of "caught in the moments where i miss her and miss the connection, i know in time it will get easier, but for now.. i miss my child. God Bless you baby, mommy misses you. 

 

School starts Aug 24th and i cant wait. Dont get me wrong, i love to hang out with them but its time. Elizabeth starts school and Miss em will be going into 2nd grade.

 

I quit home depot and started dog grooming. Next thing i knew i was running the shop and it was offered to me to buy it. I havent put any money down on it yet but next month is when that starts. the shop was going great and now has REALLY slowed down. If things dont pick up im not sure if i will stay or not. I cant run something thats not making any money. I have been praying the lord will provide.

 

Damon is harvesting and doing well. thank you god! :) Hes still hot stuff in my book but i see the strain and worry more on his face now. Worry about money and that truck braking down. I love him so!

 

The house got a facelift! Damon ripped the portch off and rebuilt it. Its not finnished but looks better and the frame is up. Now all he has to do is the roof and the sideing. :)

 

Hmmm i guess thats it.. more tomm.

 

hugs and kisses,

 

Pamela

I also know i was not there for the conversations and have NOTHING to do with any of it, and still i sit here crying, knowing this will change things. The change has already happend. Knowing People are leaving and knowing i HATE change. I want to stay out of things and then I want to vent. Here is my spot to vent and not cause any trouble on the list and yet im afraid to say anything. No one else is talking about it. I dont know the other side of the story and im afraid to call and ask to hear it. why am i afraid you ask? well..what if i dont agree with anything? will i be deleted off the face like her two best friends? I love katie and michie and know there friendship will be there always, but if P kicks them to the curb so easily will I be next? I wonder and watch how ppl deal with others and see the pattern and it makes me sad.l  I see friends that have been very close tearing away at each other online and i know i cant change it  or make it better and i have to sit back and watch the hurricane happen...because it will. Does it upset me? Your dam right it does! I love these woman! I have decided to keep my mouth shut and let it fall where it is. I should know now, at 35 years old, that women will stop being friends for the oddest reasons and at one point someone will stand there with there hands down going "i miss you and i love you and i have said im sorry" and the other person wont hear it because they have already decided to remove them. There was a pause, and a wall was thrown up and then everything hit the fan, during the pause i wish people would have talked and really listend. sigh* Its done, I will be ok, i know this. Staying out of it is a good thing, and wont take sides. I just dont understand and im not meant too i guess. I am thankful that they will still be my friend and hopefully I wont get kicked out for it. I dont want to leave, its been such a wonderful part of my life for so many years, and i want that to continue. I dont want to see P hurt or M or K either for that matter. I just dont want to loose my friends at all honestly. sigh*

 

Today is my ONLY day off and most of it has been crying. The house is a mess, the kids are acting like they were raised by wolves. crazy small people that look just like me. Damon is driving today so tomm with be my day with him. One day a week is not enough for me!  I woke up and sat here reading blogs and feeling drained. Later i might go over my moms and help her out or i might grab a tub full of ice cream and watch old movies. Its nice out today and with the sun shineing i should take the dog to the park and let him roam, or paint. I need to go to cosco, need dishwashing liquid but when it comes down to it i dont want to get out of my jammies or take a bath. Im sad, very.

 

Pamela

 

Random thought: I feel like im in high school and in the middle of bullshit thats changeing my world and i dont like it.

 

There are people that come into our lives wreak havoc and leave. Im afraid thats what is happing and i cant stop it. Its happend before.J you are way to quiet in all this mess.

 

I love bluberry pancakes.

 

I will miss you Christy. More then you will know. 

 

 

I havent written in this thing in forever and i need to get back into it.

 

I called in this morning to work. My chest is tight and having trouble breathing. Feels like i have a wet towel over my nose and im trying to breathe thru it. sigh* Damon came home last night and i drove him to walmart and homedepot to get a greese gun. He was just to tired to drive..poor thing. SO then we get home and put the girls to bed, and then he pounced on me *giggles* to tired to drive, my butt! :) I cant breathe but im not missing a fun time with him nooooooooooooo way! 

 

Today i am going to try and get stuff done around here till emilies back to school night today at 6:30 pm. Last year i jumped in and really got to know her teacher and this year the woman seems so nice i dont feel like i need to do that. Emilie has pulled a card once already *grrrr* but it was over something stupid like she could not find her paperwork and then found it under her desk and then the card was pulled. I think emilie enjoys going over grandmas till the bus comes. Those will be fond memories for her i hope.

 

Tommorow im supposed to meet that lady about the dog, but every time i call theres not a answer and they dont call me back. Im thinking they gave the dog to someone else and shes to dam chicken to tell me. Not like im going to blow up or anything, but its nice to let someone know whats going on. I am a member of a snauzer rescue board and they post when dogs become availible. I got in contact with this lady and it was ohhhh yes ill meet you on friday. His name is tyrell and hes 12 pounds!! awwwww! so! im thinking im not getting  a dog this weekend. Guess its for the best and everything happends for a reason right?

 

Im off..have a great day!!! 

 

List:

 

Clean out refig (mission)

 

Dont have to do the tupperwear mission so im tackeling laundry instead

 

dishes, laundry, trash, washed outside of car yesterday so doing the inside today.

 

Maybe paint a bit. OHHH lets be realistic ok?

 

lay around..play on the puter and hug panzer and elizabeth..there that sounds better.

 

OH!! almost forgot my mom hired a new little lady to take care of her!!! WHOOOO HOOOOO! I hope this one lasts! my mom has a habbit of being a pain in the rear and then cant keep anyone there to help her.. including me sometimes LOL! She wants me to take my grandmothers hutch over here and i said with what man? Damon is harvesting and i cant drive that truck, im sooo short i cant reach the pettals. She said WELLLLLLL find somone to do it...ya right..HEY YOU >>OVER THERE>>COME MOVE FURNATURE FOR ME CANT YA? NOT lol! She can wait till my hubby is done harvesting and then he and someone else can move it.